Forever Farah

Thursday, April 02, 2015

The Story of Farah

Did I mention that I'm a Mommy to an angel? April 3, 2011 my life changed forever. 

Here's a little something I wrote on a tough night missing my angel......

When the doctors told me that I was going into preterm labor I could not really understand what was going on. I mean would she have a face, hands, feet, like what exactly was happening to me. Would she move? Would she make a sound? The more they talked the more I started to comprehend that my baby was going to die. I had struggled with the thought of having this baby. I wanted to have a different life when I had children but I knew it was my time. I prayed about it and went forward in full swing prepping for the birth of my 1st child! I begin to purchase the cutest maternity clothes and was determined to wear a pump every now and then. I was excited!!! Maybe about 2 weeks into my pregnancy I emailed Frank, her Dad, what I wanted the baby's name to be....the text simply said....FARAH

Now, fast forward to me being in the hospital I could not even think about a name. I was in so much pain, the contractions seemed to have taken over my life!!! They were asking me a million questions and it was just my cousin and I! She was just as confused and caught off guard as I was! We called my Mom and she got there quick! It was so devastating. Doctors in and out...."do you want an epidural!" "sign these papers!" "do you want to hold the baby?" "more people will be in to talk to you" I called Frank, her Dad to help me make a a decision as this was his baby too. We both decided to let God have his way......at this point they put everybody out the room and gave me the epidural and the room became very calm. I had discussed labor music but never thought it would be like this.....they dimmed the lights and I tried to get some rest....I sent a text to my close friends and family that simply said some things have gone wrong I will be giving birth tonight. My Mommy prayed and rubbed my head a lot! Weird, right? 

At around 3am the doctors said I was ready. They propped me up, turned on the lights and begin to tell me to push. My Mommy and Aunt watched and cried the entire time. They helped me push my 1 lb. baby out. At 3:18 am she was born. I could not believe my eyes when I saw her! This life had come out of me. It was unbelievable. She didn't move or make a sound but she was alive for 3 hours. They wrapped her up right away and handed her to my Mommy. I looked over and immediately asked her to give me my baby. I instantly felt a bond with this child. It was so crazy! I held her, kissed her, examined her toes, legs, feet, head, fingers, nose, lips, everything! This was MY CHILD! I asked My Mom and Aunt to grab the camera and the phones and begin to take pictures of my baby! Her skin was too fragile to clean the blood but I did not care. This was MY baby and I loved her!!!! I loved everything about her! I wished I could have saved her. I wish God would have made me sick and not her.... I wish it was something more that I could do. After about an hour or so the nurse said would you like to name her??? And I confidently said YES.....FARAH MACKENZIE DESILVA.....I had her name from day 1! Farah's name meant Joy and I loved it! 

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  1. Thank you for sharing this beautiful and poignant time in your life. God bless!