TotallyTot | Creating Innovative Solutions for Everyday Women: SundaysWithTot

I have worked with some amazing brands for my blog but, I get the most questions about Shein!

Click here for top!

I think it's amazing to see my readers finding and curating great looks at affordable prices. Last year I wrote a blog post on tips for shopping with Shein. I think it's about time that I post an updated tips list for you all. Below, you will see how items look on the site and how it looks in real life on me.

My hope is that this blog post will answer lingering questions and assist you in your shopping.

Sooooo, let's get to it!!!

Shein Q&A & other things you should know!

Although I receive my clothes from Shein for marketing and blogging purposes the opinions I share will ALWAYS be honest and my own! I LOVE US FOR REAL!!!

Click here for set!

1. Is Shein Real?

Yes, they are a real fast fashion website. The clothes on the site are the what you get in real life. For this particular blog post, I have added the stock photos shown on their site, next to me actually wearing the items to help.

Click here for jumpsuit!

2. Does Shein fit?
Yes! Shein not only fits, but it fits well. Shein has updated the fit of their clothes and I have found it to be more accurate to American sizes. I typically wear a 1X-2X in my items. (If you are a 14-16, I would suggest a 1X-2X depending on materials.) This jumpsuit is a 2X because I wanted to ensure it fit well. Most of my weight is in my bottom half so I wanted to accommodate these thighs.
Read the reviews and the description for EACH item. Although the sizing is more consistent than it has been, I still suggest reading the reviews. The payoff is major!! You can’t beat the deals and the pieces are a hit!!

3. How long is Shein's shipping?
If you need an item overnight, Shein is NOT your site. On their site it states that standard shipping takes between 6-8 business days, but I have noticed most items arrive within 5 business days. I have noticed Express shipping does take about 4 business days. There have been times items arrive faster, but this has been my typical experience.

4. Do you like Shein?
Believe it or not,I get this question ALL of the time! Here's my honest answer: YES!
Yep, I like Shein for multiple reasons. From a business perspective they are a great company to work with. From a consumer perspective the clothes are on trend with some amazing classics mixed in. It's a great place to shop and the clothes can be worn multiple times. These pieces are NOT 1 time wear items which I can totally appreciate. They sustain washing, cleaning, etc.

5. What's the quality like?
I would say the quality of their clothes may actually surprise you. I would give Shein's items a 7/10 on the quality scale. I have received some items that were 10/10 and other times there may have been an odd lining or lighter weight fabric that took the quality down a bit. Nothing major that would stop me from wearing the brand.

6. Always use a promo code
My last and final tip is to ALWAYS look for a promo code! Always use a promo code for their site. Shein typically has amazing deals that are even better with a promo code. Every time I post a look from Shein, I share my promo code, which changes every season.
My current code “totalq2” expires 6/30/19.

Although I receive my clothes from Shein for marketing and blogging purposes the opinions I share will ALWAYS be honest and my own! I LOVE US FOR REAL!!!

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Powerful Connections!

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Happy Sunday beautiful people!

I have had an amazing time this month featuring some amazing young women. I am closing out my Women's History month featuring my FRIEND, THE D'WILFORD! D is the perfect way to end my celebration! I wanted to close out with a woman of wisdom, who's a peer and a friend.

I met D last year and we immediately clicked! I mean it was crazy! We decided to do lunch and 4.5 hours later we determined that this was indeed a divine connection. D has been a safe place for me. This woman has covered me in prayer like she's known me my whole life. I knew I wanted her to write about friendship on the blog and she came with it!!!!

In her own words....

Meet D!

I am D’ Wilford,

wife, mom, Pastor, Beauty Guide, and woman’s mentor hailing from The east coast now living in the Chicago land area. I am an advocate for healthy womanhood, spiritual maturity, femininity, beauty, and authentic sisterhood. I’ve had a very unique yet common journey as a woman in friendship and sisterhood and I am here to share one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned. As you read keep in mind that Friendship is a sheltering tree! If you’ve ever felt the sun bearing down on you; and you thought, “if I could just find some shade, I could bear this heat. That’s what a real friend provides. Refuge!

The Friendless Zone

Have you ever gone through a phase in your life where you felt as if you were living aimlessly. You were surrounded by people, yet you felt alone?

Have you ever been drained because of giving so much, yet receiving so little? Yeah, I remember when. . . .

Do you have secrets that you can trust no one with? Are you afraid of being vulnerable with others so much so that you have to pretend that you’re okay and all is well because you don’t like appearing weak? You give some, but not all.

Have you settled for friends? Friends that aren’t as invested. Friends that envy you? Friends that want to be YOU?

Are you friends with them out of convenience and not purpose?

This is what I call the

“friendless zone. “ A zone without true peer level companionship. A zone where all you really have, is YOU. You’ll be surrounded by acquaintances and people you call friend yet have NO REAL COVENANT FRIENDSHIPS!

I have been thinking a lot about friendship lately. About those friendships that us women have with women. The true, real, half, and fake friendships. The different categories those friends fit into, the lessons we learn from them, and the level of proximity they have to us. What determines a friend in general and what classifies a best friend. What seals a sister and so forth. So many of us mistake seasonal friendships for permanent ones and or we mislabel people and give them too much access before they are proven in that role.

At some point all of us are pushed to a place where we must really identify The who’s WHO in our lives. As well as the Who’s NOT! This place often feels like a funeral and a birthday all in the same moment. The reality free’s you. But, it can also greatly grieve you.

However, it is at this place where you learn YOURSELF, identify your circle, and see your village through a clear lens.We live in a society where friendships have been reduced to social media post and photo ops. We rush into relationships before really vetting people.

We live in a society where people connect because of your social status, career, who you post to be, and even your style. In 2019 people will love you with their words but undervalue you with their actions. And loyalty? That’s a whole other blog post!

The friendless zone is a real thing in our society beyond what it appears to be. And there are many among us that are more friendless than they care to admit.

I encounter so many women who live life detached. So many women hurt and fearful loving the idea of sisterhood, but never experiencing the reality of sisterhood. I remember being in my early 20’s surrounded by people but lonely. Yes, I had a little crew and was there when needed. But, I lacked intimacy. I felt like the friend who did all the work without reciprocation.

In many instances I went without the help and support I needed because that’s just what you do when you’re surrounded by needy people or shall I say, people that need you. I made the horrible mistake of befriending women I probably should’ve been mentoring had I been healthier myself. I was struggling in my mind. I was pouring, but broken and miserable. I was carrying my relationships and it was breaking me down. I had a Boo. But he wasn’t a woman. And sure, I was around women that I could hang out with. But, what I was going through required a level of support I didn’t think they had the capacity to give. I positioned myself as their super woman. But, I cried alone, sorted through alone, and barely made it. I’ll never forget the day I had an “AHA” moment where I had to FACE the reality of my life and relationships. I WAS FRIENDLESS and really wasn’t connected to my family either.

The realness of that reality engulfed me and I went into depression. I felt the pain of longing for friendship. I felt the reality of being used and taken for granted. I minimized who I was for the sake of others esteem. I was there longing to receive what I was giving. And even far beyond anything I could give. I knew it would take special persons to befriend me and it mean something. I longed for a safe place. And I wanted to be friends with someone that deserved me!

I got so fed up that it finally dawned on me that I had yet to pray about it. And so I did. I vented to the Lord and I went in deep. I prayed for a certain caliber of friends and decided that I would heal from half and fake friendships so that I could be open and ready for the real. This was the beginning of creating a real village outside of my family.

God began to surround me with strong, secure women. He heard and answered me. I found myself around a few women who were further along in life than I was and those who actually had something to offer. Listen!!! Don’t be afraid to pray for friends. GOD IS GOOD AND WILL SUPPLY WHAT YOU NEED! And I mean exactly what you need.

Great women entered my life one by one. While I felt they were amazing and was excited about the new journey. Their presence revealed something about me that I didn’t know. What was it?!?

I didn’t know how to receive them internally. I was a horrible recipient or shall I say I was a broken recipient. I felt weird. I felt wrong and too vulnerable for even telling them I had a bad day. I was self reliant and I had become so accustomed to being in control as the giver and “strong” friend. I didn’t know how to receive from a strong friend. And I surely didn’t know how to release to one.

It was in those moments I realized I was really AFRAID of trusting someone else with the real ME. I was afraid of being judged. I didn’t know I was worthy of someone really being invested in me. And I didn’t know how to be loved. It was also at that moment that I realized I had personal issues. Those issues had nothing to do with friendship. But everything to do with ME!

The issue was my lack of wholeness, not knowing my worth, not properly tending to myself, and my inability to be open. I was married to fear in a way most people can relate to. It was fear that determined how well I could receive love and have community. I was no longer friendless because no one was capable to give what I needed. I was friendless because I didn’t know how to have a friend. And or how to appreciate different aspects and measures of friendship. I understood my role as the giver. But didn’t quite get it as the receiver. So even with some of the previous relationships that I counted out before the “aha moment.” I had expectations for people to do friendship like me and I failed to learn THEM and or to respect their capacity levels and what they had to offer and or what they would grow to offer.

You have to give your friends room to evolve and flourish beyond your expectations and needs. If they are toxic. . .yes, let them go. But if they are simply unlearned. Step back and let them grow! Not all, but some of those same women from my early 20’s remain in my life and they are some of the strongest relationships I have. One of them is my best friend! And the other is one of the closest persons to me in the world.

Please take this lesson I’ve learned. The friendless zone isn’t to reveal the issues of other women and their inability to be your friend. It isn’t to show you their lack of value and love for you. It’s not to affirm you as the victim. The friendless zone reveals YOU! At that time in my life, it revealed ME!

There are some things you will not know about yourself until someone enters your life and LOVES YOU WELL. There are things you will not know until you broaden your perspective of the world and of people in general. We sometime live life as if our world and circles revolve around us when the reality is WE MUST EVOLVE IN AND WITH THEM!

What determines how great of a friend you are isn’t just how well you give and all that you do and are to them. It is also how well you receive friendship. And how well you receive love, celebration, truth? and affirmation. If you cannot fully receive. You can have capable people near, yet remain FRIENDLESS. You’ll have every excuse of why you can’t trust them not realizing the only real reason is your lack of security that sabotages anything that threatens your self reliance and self sufficiency.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is. . .real friendship kills self reliance and it will dismantle FEAR!

I was healed when I got over myself and allowed someone else to love the worst of me. When I allowed someone else to be my strength, to celebrate me, to uplift, sow into, and pray me through beyond how I thought it should be done. I broke free of fear in relationships when I allowed God to perfectly love me through the gift he gave me called sisters and friends! Inviting others to be a part of your story is in your best interest. And allowing them to be who they are adds to you.

Covenant Friends are graced with a certain capacity level and compatibility that will not only fulfill you but also heal you. Not all will be and give the same thing. But what they can give should be appreciated and honored. You’ll have friends that you run to. Those that will journey with you in the thick of life. You’ll have other friends that you update just to keep them in the know. You’ll have friends that you cry with, and friends that you call when you’re simply ready to have a good time. Some of your friends will bring the best out of you. And others, you will bring the best out of them. Some of your friends will be the strong friend in your life and you’ll be strong friend for others. You will have friends that are further along in life. LEARN FROM THEM! And those you are ahead of. Allow them to learn from you. You’ll have friends that are positioned in your life as intercessors and others may be in need of intercession. There are also instances where it is mutual on every level. One or two will embody all of this for you and others won’t. However, It takes openness, vulnerability, security, and flexibility to really have friends and enjoy the different relationship dynamics.

Make room for people to LOVE YOU! The real you. You deserve it! It’s so easy to be the giver. But it takes humility to be the receiver.

There is a simple truth that I want you to remember. It will always stretch you to be whole and open as you expand your circle. “WHAT YOU EXUDE, YOU WILL DRAW! And what you make room for will make room for you.”

Friendship is powerful. A good friend can help us through adversity and even provide what riches and success cannot.

Life-giving friendships are essential for our health. Developing meaningful, lasting friendships is not a by-product, but is built through intentional, purposed time, vulnerability, investment, loyalty, honesty, communication, consistency, and reciprocity.

IF you are feeling even the tiniest twinge of unspoken “friend-less-ness” today, then I want to reassure you that you are not alone! Every woman's heart longs for deep friendships and close relationships with people they can share life with. Be real about it. Be in love with the idea of having real sisters. Be open and willing to grow

There is a lesson in the friendless zone and for many of you. It’s to see what part of YOU rejects love and friendship. We cannot allow ourselves to be so caught up on the cause that we ignore the effect. It is the effect that hinders forward progression and evolution. We must deal with the effect so that we are not infectious to those around us. There is no rule of how many real friends you’re allowed to have. I now have a village and love the diversity in my sisterhood circle.

Let God bless you with your unbreakable circle. Love on and tend to your soul for you and those around you. Lastly, I pray you find joy and wholeness in womanhood so that you can flourish in sisterhood. And most of all, I pray you SOAR in love so much so that you’re not only giving it but you’re receiving even more.

My beautiful top is from Shein! Use search ID # 576354 for this top, or click here!!

Use my promo code "totalq2" for a special discount!!!

Happy Shopping!!!

#GuestBlogger - Sunday, March 31, 2019

The Friendless Zone! - Meet D' Wilford!

Happy Sunday beautiful people! I have had an amazing time this month featuring some amazing young women. I am closing out my Women's ...

Happy March beautiful people! Here on the blog I use March to celebrate Women's History Month! This year I will be celebrating and honoring some young ladies I have had the honor of encountering. These young ladies have inspired me and I know they will inspire you. I am kicking it off with Kim! Kim was one of my first features when she was just 13 yrs. old! Kim is now 17 yrs. old and I invited her back!

Here's her story in her own words:

Hello everyone! My name is Kimberly Wilborn, and I am a Junior at Butler college prep. You may remember 13 year- old me sharing my testimony with Christ 4 years ago on Tot’s blog. Now, I'm 17 and whew chile! My life has had many ups and downs.

As a junior there are couple of things I’m learning as I mature into a young lady.

1) Find who you are, and stick to it.

I’ve always known who I was, but sometimes I have a hard time accepting it. Even down to my style , I would dress like the typical teenager to fit in. In high school, there are so many groups that made me feel like I had to change. Being myself was a hard thing because I could see and feel people make an assumption about me. I wanted to fit in, so that I didn’t have to face other people stares.

Whenever I find myself trying to be someone I'm not, I think about this scripture.

(Genesis 1:26-28)

“26 And God said, Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of heaven and over the cattle and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.”

In this scripture, the Trinity gives dominion to mankind. Also, he gives them His identity. In His image, He created me. That means each feature, characteristic, and flaw was given to me as a reflection of His beauty. Acknowledging that I am His reflection pushes me to accept who I am. There is literally no one else on this world like me; I’m special!

2) High School is teaching me to listen before I do anything: listen concerning a boyfriend, a relationship, my room, my style, and even writing! Listening is a skill everyone can learn from. Especially me! When I would talk to God, I would make two mistakes: I talked at God, and I never waited on a response. That’s a horrible combinations because I always felt like my prayers weren’t getting answered when I needed them to.

James 1:19

“19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”

Sometimes, I can imagine God saying: Listen Linda listen! I’m learning to posture myself so that I can hear this voice clearly. His words are so strategic and on time, and missing them can be dangerous. Especially, in such critical years as I develop into being a young adult.

3) Keep your heavy hitters close

There are some friendships God has definitely put me in during my high school career. These friendships brought insight, and genuine bonding . My friends and I talk, we receive revelation, laugh, and cry all in one conversation. Having a circle put me closer to God and people who really love me! My friend helps me appreciate those people he put in my life.

4) Being Obedient

Man have I gotten myself into so many things because of my disobedience! God would literally give me instructions to do something and I would completely ignore it. Continually, I would tell God no, and it stagnated me each time. And what I’m realizing is that the root of this is fear. I was afraid of anything that pushed me closer to my calling, so my answer to everything was a complete no! But this scripture shuts everything down:

Jeremiah 29:11

“11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Isn’t it so crazy how we can be so protective from the one who surely has our best interest at heart? God has plans to prosper me and to push me closer to Him, and sometimes that’s scary. Trusting a God who says He has your life planned out can be a bit scary. But, I’m learning to trust God because His word can not return unto his void. He was here before my existence and knows what’s best for me.

As I typed this, I learned so much about myself! And I’m so grateful that I have a platform, like this, to share my story! Thank you for listening in to my story, and I’ll see you next time!

#GuestBlogger - Sunday, March 10, 2019